Friday, April 2, 2010

A Zen Goodbye

About eight years ago I was called to work with horse. The owner/trainer informed me when I arrived that I was the horse's last chance, if he didn't improve he was going to be euthanized. When I asked why I was told "he stops when you ride him". Huh?
At the time my horse was alone--my wife's horse broke his leg and had to be euthanized (put down)--and so I decided that I would take the horse that "stopped".
The previous owner brought the horse to my place and as I was taking off the halter to let him out into the pasture they warned me "you'll never catch again...". They were sort of right, it took me a while but I did catch him. He was always difficult to catch--and I mean we had to catch him, he never just came up to us to be haltered--but once we had him in halter he was a sweetheart. Since his only role in life was to be a companion and a model for my students when we did nerve work--he had sciatica--being in halter wasn't that important.
My son, who names all our animals, gave him the name Zen.
Yesterday we euthanized Zen after a year of his struggling with feet problems. Seven weeks ago my trimmer suggested that there wasn't much hope for him, I ignored him. My thought was that as long as Zen was willing to hang around, could get up and eat, he could lay down as much as he wanted. Even though he was addicted to eating my barn I still kept him alive. I couldn't come to the conclusion that death was the answer.
That's until two days ago when my wife had to feed for me while I worked late and she couldn't get him to come in from the pasture. When I got home that night I saw Zen lying in the pasture, where he was went I left that morning, I thought he was dead. Then as I turned into the drive he raised his head to look at me. I figured he just didn't know my wife well enough to realize she was feeding and he was waiting for me, like he had almost every day for the last eight years. I had to go out to the pasture put a halter on him and force him to get up. I thought he might have a heart attack walking to the barn.
Yesterday morning I went out to feed and he was lying down in the stall. I forced him to get up again and out of the barn--I was being disgustingly strategic knowing that if we had to put him down it would be easier to move the body outside than in a stall--where I feed him in the paddock so he has to move. He came out, I fed him and while I was leaving for work I noticed he was lying down. It looked like it was going to rain or snow and I couldn't bear pushing him anymore to move. I called the vet.
As Zen died a really light snow started to fall. It only lasted a few minutes and then the impending storm started to clear around our property and the sun came out. This is common here since we live in the "shadow" of a fourteen thousand foot mountain, but I like to think it was a sign that Zen was better off.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Jim,
I'm sad to hear about Zen. I will always remember him because he taught Sue and I so much about nerves.
Janet